ish
i dare not imagine what will happen to him if what you said is true.
but if it is true, rabak siak diek tu.
YELLOWCARD::: monday :: thirteen :: twelve :: twothousandfour
"Only One"
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
don't ask if you don't wanna know
people who know me from my secondary school days should know this:
during the old times, i like beckham but i DESPISE manchester united.
same concept ladies and gentlemen.
i love you but i despise mass comm.
nope
and no your not selfish.
yak dsh
i hate waking up to the sound of my handphone dropping on the cold tiled cement floor.
the sound of it bouncing and then sliding.
scratches on handphones bothers me. especially on mine.
pqs night class.
glad that everything worked out well. when we have one of them sessions again, don't keep quiet. i want the both of us to talk things out.
asking you if you have anything to say is just... stoopid. that kind of thing should be automatic. i love debates. though from what i went through, nothing good ever comes out of it. but as mr fong would say:
it is productive though.`
iro-bot
in our days we've mourned insignias. the passing glance unstamped. we’ve rendered ourselves powerless, unfortunate. the useless mend the fixed and on every hour it detonates.
my courage goes unlooked. the ride home through perilous.
the land it goes, i will...
you’ve been a bad boy. you broke all the rules. you’ve been a bad boy. you’ll get yours paid in full.
iro-bot will never die, my robot will never die. you look down, but far from out and the paper reads, "You Lose." iro-bot will never kill.
a favor captain, a word with you. my systems gone and lost its mind. my right eye has done shed a tear. my gun i’ve left behind. will systems take me home and disassemble me?will i be terminated with you near? alongside the others that i hold so close.
if i'm to be killed, then when? by whom?
burn your wings
Dear Ambellina, the Prise wishes you to watch over me.
a silent conversation
now that my mum, dad, brother, grandmother, auntie, cousins, brother's friends, uncles and many many more know that i have a girlfriend, i guess there's no turning back. not that i have any intentions to do that.
i have never done this before. usually i will always feel scared and worried about what they will think. but now i guess i'm old enough to officially have a girlfriend and i feel comfortable and confident introducing you to them.
here's to the three months and us.
and to add to all that excitement, nash knows too. haha. right back at her face!
i think
now that school's reopen, i think i'll update more regularly.
something new
sometimes just seeing you like that is not enough. i'm not a hard one to please. but i can proudly or unproudly say that i'm a self-confessed perfectionist.
nevermind what i said. you know i don't mean them. i've said those words so many times that i feel like i'm a scratched cd skipping through a song. in repeat mode.
right now i'm just blabbering out words, well, actually typing out words that sound bombastic in the hopes of making me sound and feel smart, sophisticated and intelligent.
the daily routines of waking up at 0545, resetting the alarm to 0600, waking up again, setting the alarm to 0615, finally waking up for real at 0620, taking the train to jurong east, buying a packet of potato curry puffs and taking bus 78 at precisely 0745 have all made me jaded.
i honestly can't wait till school reopens. i need something different. AutoCAD is driving me mad. the daily sounds of broken english and the deafening sirens of the cranes moving are not helping either.
thats why i always ask if i can meet you. cause you're the one that can break the boring daily routines that are killing me.
busy man
today will officially be my last day of my attachment. but monday i will be returning to PPL as a part time worker. so yes, ill be a busy man till school reopens.
enjoi.
his unintentional disappearing act
a moment of silence for dzool's dead laptop because of which he cannot update his blog.
okay, moment over.
dzool's fine, in case you're wondering (of which you should wonder since this is his blog and im just the substitute writer). he cant update coz a}as you all know his no good laptop is finally dead b) his workplace has no internet connection c) he's too tired to update d)he could be too lazy, you may never know.
if you want more updates, just tag. or better yet, sms him lah. we're living in the world of better communication after all.
im just spouting crap out.
[this entire entry is written by yours truly, nut]
we're humans
'oh dear god, i don't feel alive
when you're cut short in misery
will you pray it'll be the end?
give a look surprised wide eyed to me
then you'll know just what i am
the scare that triggers your fear
come know me in a different light now
come know me as god'
-delirium trigger, coheed & cambria
i guess thats what we humans are right? when we're in trouble, we seek god for help. but when we're supreme and have the power, we think we're god.
tsk tsk tsk.
say bored somemore la
picture this:
i was so bored, i completed the game solitaire, all 10 different designs on the decks, twice. spider solitaire i completed about more than 5 times but only in easy mode though. i can't manage to complete the medium one. i've also managed to learn how to play hearts. tried pinball, internet backgammon, internet checkers and just all the internet 'something's they have in this bloody computer.
but now, today and yesterday, i've been completely busy. so much so that i was dying to go back to the office while i was on board so that i can complete my work.
you'll prolly go:
,i>'dzool?! dying to do work? mampos. habes. that's it.'
i know i know. i may not be exactly what you call a 'sit-down-and-do-my-work' kind of guy. the workload is not much actually but given the very very very short dateline (i can't even call it a dateline cause it falls on the same date. maybe timeline).
luckily i have sebastian, a tall indian dude who is pro on autoCAD. let me tell you how pro he is. an engineer walked up to my table (yes people, i also have a table), and said:
"i want you to design for me this hatch cover, i'll be back in 2 hours time. i have to rush to a meeting."
sebastian heard this and interupted "what time is your meeting?"
"half an hour"
"you stay here. give me the rough drawings and i'll do it for you. give me three minutes."
i was like woah.
and true enough, what could have taken me potentially 5 hours, took him 3 minutes to do.
so now i have a surprise presentation to make about fire to the whole of the hull department in EDO.
wish me luck.
enjoi.
you making kueh? god speed.
bismillah hirahman nirahim.
ya allah ya tuhanku. janganlah apa-apakan nadiah apabila dia sedang menolong ibunya membuat kuih raya. jauhkanlah dia dan seluruh keluarganya daripada apa-apa malapetaka.
jauhkanlah dia dari segala kain-kain burok, tisu-tisu dan kain-kain langsir yang mungkin ada di dalam dapurnya. jauhkanlah dia dari segala api ataupon oven-oven yang bakal dier akan mengguna.
semenjak dia memberi tahu aku bahawa dia mahu menolong ibunya membuat kuih, aku tidak boleh tidur nyenyak. aku takut kalao apa-apa terjadi kepadanya.
kerana aku masih sayangkan nadiah.
hanya kao lah yang satu-satunya esa, maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang.
amin.
i still do...
you know i don't mean to sleep on you on the phone. its just that i was very tired but i still want to hear your voice.
but let this be known: if i start blabbering or not answering your questions or answering them wrongly, you know i'm going to lala-land. heh.
random thoughts at your disposal
shipyard. sembawang. office. edo. vivien. autoCAD. tribon. air-con. relax. edo. work. attachment. ships. jack purcells. ngee ann. cranes. puasa. tired. drawing. plans. faris. pilot. scrambler. bike license. coffee. $400. money. saving up. feels professional. growling. frosties. kelloggs. sahur. clementi. western food. kecoh. love. office hours. trafic police. tucked in. sharp. smart. short hair. girl. cute. cheeks. smile. eyes. fingers. knuckles cracking. massage. 7-11. park. late. nachos. extra cheese. PMS. cranky. feels loved. she cares. her.
down again
my comp's down, again. and you know i won't be updating that much now (not that i've been updating regularly these psat few weeks).
i'm in the office right now. gotta go before the manager sees me.
enjoi.
my loneliness is killing me~
it's been awhile.
i miss you.
dammit.
he's just not that into you? BULLSHIT
i'm now watching the oprah show on starworld and this greg dude is bugging me.
he acted/directed in sex and/in the city and wrote a book called 'he's just not
that into you'.
so the topic of the show was to know whether the guys that the women are dating is really
into them. and he supposedly will tell you if the guy is really into you by your story.
so this is what is bugging me: how can he tell whether the guy is really into her just by
a 30 second account from her? you don't go around telling strangers whether their boyfriend
is into them. sure he may have a degree on psychology or crapp like that. but that still doesn't
give him the right to do that.
he even when into the lines of asking the women to break up with their boyfriend.
"you deserve better. look at you, you're so pretty and cute. you deserve better"
*insert extensive rolling of the eyes*
what happenned to talking things out?
and by the way, no one in the studio who consulted him was told 'yeap, he's into you'.
follow through
oh, this is the start of something good. don't you agree? i haven't felt like this in so many moons. you know what i'm say? and we can build through this destruction as we are standing on our feet.
so, since you want to be with me, you'll have to follow through with every word you say. and i, all i really want is you, you to stick around. i'll see you everyday. but you have to follow through. you have to follow through.
these reeling emotions they just keep me alive, they keep me in tune. oh, look what i'm holding here in my fire? this is for you. am i too obvious to preach it?
the words you say to me are unlike anything that's ever been said and what you do to me is unlike anything that's ever been...
you're so hypnotic on my heart.
oh, this is the start of something big. don't you agree?
bury your head
i was feeling fine, you’ll be coming clean tonight. and i’ll be falling down with you, once again. call me your valentine, call me once tonight, and i haven’t said it’s okay.
the things you said, i’m rehearsing them.
they went back on us until his eyes rolled back couldn't step it up. i could know when to come on to it. it’s the thought that emerges. i could never love the ion change.
bury your head and the child smashed you down, and the psalms will soon recall me again. fall down below, i’ll sleep tonight, when you’re okay. and i haven’t said it’s okay.
they have been the ones who've seen enough this is what you call love?
they stole my lies, sold right and all. they wandered around and round my mouth.
stole it all, stole it all.
you’ll be coming clean tonight.
dong dong cheng
went down to changi beach yesterday. the day was beautiful though abit hot.
everything was fine, the sun was bright and the wind was strong. had a mini-fied picnic with stuff from cheers. asked B to bring a basket with the normal red and white checkered cloth but she didn't have one.
had fun, spent some time together. till something that was amusing [well, at least to me though.] happened.
it was around 2030 when two guys wearing all white with white bendennas and two bangladesh peeps came running down towards the beach holding two generators and two spotlights. i didn't think two much about it. thought that they wanted to catch sotongs [but then again, you don't catch sotongs at the shoreline]. they were so kecoh.
then two buses full of people and two lorries of lion dancers and the dragon dudes came. all of a sudden the lights were on and the ceremony began. it was prolly a funeral thingy where they throw the ashes to the sea.
so after some 'emocore' dong dong chengs, as suddenly as it began, it ended. everyone left. the last one to leave was, yes, you guessed it, the two white peeps with bendennas and the bangladesh dudes. both carrying the generators and spotlights. also kecoh.
both of us were left stunned.
the icing was topped on the cake when i saw a black rx-7. yessah.
it wad a great day spending time with my B.
i know you know.
yes yes. i know i haven't been updating. but don't blame me.
i'm having one of them writer's blocks [feeling].heh.
in the name of the sadistic movie
you happy, i happy, we all happy.
you liked it,
i liked it.
you loved it,
i loved it.
you felt good,
i felt good.
from now,
we see how it will go on from here.
heh.
you came back
dear s*****,
it's been awhile since i heard from you. i thought you gave up after what happened. but knowing you, and what you said, i knew you wouldn't give up. i just wanted to let you know that i love you and that you'll always be my number one.
when i heard the news that he was leaving, i was devastated, i thought there would be nothing anymore to accompany me through those long lonely train rides. i was sad for you. i thought you will never be the same again. and for a few months you proved me right. you kept quiet. i'm not sure if your avoiding me or anything like that.
and then there you were, you met up with me on msn and i knew it would be something good.
after those months, i thought i could forget about you and just carry on with my life. and i did. but you came back to my life. not that i'm complaining. heh.
and you just had to relit the flame of love that was dying.
love,
dzool.
there is still hope
there's an underwater realm that begins where the most beautiful beaches end. a place surrounded by turquoise waters in absolute silence, except for the faint sound of your beating heart.
tap the chest, ask your preference
i don't understand why you have to react that way.
i expected an 'oooh okay, good he's not gay~' or 'okay he is not eyeing my dearie~'.
but since you want me to fuck off, i shall be very glad to do the favour.
oh yeah, while your at it (whatever it is that you are doing), look in the mirror and think about how your attitude is affecting the people around you or at least him.
staple the eyes
somethings are better done when i'm not looking aite?
moderation.
sometimes, when you do something once or twice, its funny but when its done over and over again. its not funny anymore. it becomes annoying.
keyword: moderation.
don't worry lah eh, i won't freaking steal your boyfriend from you. firstly, i'm not gay. secondly, even if i was gay, i wouldn't go for him.
but if you still do feel insecure over a few images of me in his handphone, that you're afraid that we're meeting after school so that we can ass-fuck each other's brains out, than feel free to delete whatever images or anything for that matter.
SHEESH.
its 1st october, so...
sorry didn't have time to update. but here goes, better late than never:
*insert me wearing a huge mexican hat with them jingly stuff all around them hat and leather boots with them pants tucked in while playing a guitar*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NADIAH BTE MOHD YUSOFF,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
although you're in your last teenage years, i'm sure that many will agree with me that you're still younger. heh.
gravity
honey, it's been a long time coming and i can't stop now. such a long time running and i can't stop now. do you hear my heart beating? can you hear that sound? cause i can't help thinking that i don't look down.
and then i looked up at the sun and i could see.
oh, the way that gravity turns for you and me. and then i looked up at the sky and saw the sun. and the way that gravity turns on everyone.
on everyone
baby, it's been a long time waiting. such a long, long time.
and i can't stop smiling, oh i can't stop now. do you hear my heart beating? do you hear that sound? 'cause i can't stop crying and i won't look down.
and then i looked up at the sun and i could see. oh, the way that gravity turns on you and me. and then i looked up at the sun and saw the sky, and the way that gravity pulls on you and i.
on you and i
- embrace
MIA
don't mind me, i won't be updating too often now.
so till, i'm free from tests, projects, and datelines, enjoi.
binger
i've never ate so much in a short period of time. (oh my gosh! dejavu!)
on sunday before i went to meet the aci rempah, i ate a fist-sized chicken and a mountain [no kidding] of beriyani at around 12. at 2, i ate an american serving of popcorn. i slept and after that, i ate a loaf of bread. yeap, a loaf.
maybe i am having my pms or maybe pregnant.
missingation.com
after much calculation and planning, i've concluded that potentially, i'm not going to see her till friday. sheesh.
this may sound mad, but i've never missed someone this much over such a short period of time.
maybe its her kum kums. heh.
UC
site is still under construction.
till then, enjoi.
thoughtless thoughts
just a thought
you know paradox?
i have a few
i told them to my friends
when i was in primary four
they just laughed at me
paradox number one
i am a liar
if you believed me
then probably i was lying
so i could be lying when i was making that statement
if you didn't believe me
then i probably was lying.
so did you believe me?
paradox number two
expect the unexpected
how can you do that?
if you expect the unexpected
then the unexpected becomes expected
therefore that statement
cannot exist
paradox number three
love is something which you cannot describe
i just described it
paradox number four
i don't know what else to say
i just said something
can't help it ya
was eating with faris, ah hock and chinese after class on tuesday. we discussed about all our projects. this week has been damn hectic. one project due after the other.
i'm not so much worried about my work but i do worry about one particular module.
project management.
my goodness, the tutorial class is every friday and we are required to bring our laptop to submit work. since i am too lazy to bring my laptop because the class is only for an hour and i am usually late for half an hour everytime, every assignment have been put on hold. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
so i do not know how i am going to do it, but hell it has to be something good and fast.
can't help it that i'm a procrastinator.
mataku berair wazzy dong dong
i just thought that i'd let you know. that no matter whatever i say to you or whatever things that i do or don't do to you (sounds wrong) you know that my feelings won't change.
i may say some mean things to you and stuff like that. but thats just me. you know i don't mean them. i hope you know that by now. i don't like to be restricted in whatever i say and do and i'm sure you want the same space for yourself too. but don't take my kindness as a weakness. hah.
anyhows its a good feeling to wake up knowing that you belong to someone. heh.
take nothing but pictures
the images for yesterdays gig at yishun park is up. i know this is abit too late but the pantatz hari raya '03 is also up finally.
so enjoi.
chocolate salty balls
i don't understand why i'm missing her already even though i just saw her yesterday.
this is madness.
can't wait for saturday b.
chef djools in the house yall.
let's dance
in and out.
i'm dancing in and out.
i'm dancing in your head.
i'm in your head.
so what's the point?
i don't know if what i'm about to say will make you even more jealous but this is how i look at it.
well faz, its not about me feeling that its too fast. actually, to be honest, i tell my mum everytime i'm in a relationship and without fail, she will be supportive of me. of course she will nag at me when i was in sec 2 saying that i was too young, that i should concentrate on my studies and that i was still not 'financially' stable enough. but thats beside the point. hah.
anyways, the point of me telling her that i'm in a relationship is not to brag to you or anyone for that matter. i just feel that its easier for me to say that she's been at my home or that i came back late cause i went out with her and stuff like that without me actually lying to her saying that i have projects in school or that a friend has been home or something like that. that would be lying to myself, my parents and her.
but when your dad tells you that he wants to go on a holiday and asks her to come along, don't you think that is a wee bit too fast? i mean takkan lar dier nak tidur ngan mak aku satu bilik abes tu aku ngan bapak aku satu bilik pat hotel? takkan lar dier nak tidur ngan aku satu bilik pulakkan? habes besoknyer mak bapak aku jadi atuk ngan nenek. haha. stop smiling/laughing/giving-them-okaaaaaaay-look/giving-them sinister-look/sinister smile/(insert another word for whatever i meant). i was only joking. i'm a joker.
i don't mind us having dinner together. i'm just scared that the silence will be too awkwardly long.
Created by scentedwishes and taken 334 times on bzoink! | |
| Personal Thought | |
| Are you often harsh on yourself after a mistake? | no, i often laugh it off. |
| Are you self concious? | yeap, abit lar. |
| Do you worry a lot about your actions? | nope, people who know me well will agree. heh. |
| Do you let others make choices for you? | nope, although i often ask about other opinions |
| Friendship | |
| Do you think you are a good friend? | i don't know. ask my friends. |
| Do you think you are a bad influence? | ya. i think so. |
| Do you often put friends before yourself? | i don't know. but shark says i don't. |
| Have you ever felt bad about leaving a friend out of something? | yes. |
| Relationships | |
| Do you put your boyfriend/girlfriend before yourself? | yeap. don't know if thats a good thing or bad. |
| When you say "I Love You" Do you mean it? | of course. |
| Have you ever said it and not mean it? | nope. never. 'i love you' is such an expensive word. |
| Would you say you have 'blind' love? | use to. but now no. |
| Sexuality (Other) | |
| Would you trust a fuck buddy? | nope. no more. |
| Would you use a friend for sex? | no! |
| Would you even think about having a fuck buddy? | for what? |
| Why? | casue i think all this should be done with someone you REALLY love. |
| Aspects of Personality | |
| When it comes to friends, what do you dislike about yourself? Why? | i tend to be too straight forward i guess. |
| Do your friends think this is a bad quality? | some may some may not. |
| Do you think people take advantage of this aspect? | haha. dont think so. |
| Enemies | |
| Do you let your enemies know you dislike them? | yeap. why should i bottle up all my hatred. |
| Do you mistreat these people? | yeah i think i do. |
| Have they done something to make you dislike them? | yes. thats the only reason i would hate someone. |
| Last One... | |
| Would you comfort someone that chose another friend over you? | yeah. i did that quite sometime back. |
emotionally in love
i've never loved someone so much till i teared. no, i'm not that dude from bedazzled who wished to be emotional and ended crying over every single damned thing. i'm hunkier and man-lier than that. that dude's just a sissy boy.
i'm so lost for words now. but i'm happy seeing you happy.
can't wait for jetty though. :D
what???
my parents want to meet her? oh my god, its all happening to fast.
| What is your pet peeve and why? | i have a pet but its not peevey... |
| Do you have any strange phobias? | i have a phobia of lifts that have transparent walls |
| Any strange talents? | i can indiviually control my eye balls, move my knee cap and close my nostrils. |
| What is your favorite childhood memory? | being a rebel during primary school |
| Your most humbling moment? | when i broke up with my ex cause this other guy was mad over her and it seemed that she like him as well tho i very much liked her |
| Something political that you stand up for very strongly? | i'm against the raise of the price of ciggies but the declination for the price of alcohol |
| One band you love but are ashamed to admit | why should i be ashamed if i love a band? |
| Your favorite name for a child (male or female) | havent though THAT far |
| How many people have you said "I love you too" and then broken up with? | none |
| If you were forced to run away from home, what would you bring with you? | my handphone and charger |
| If you got put into jail, predict what you did to be put there | talking too much and too loudly |
| If you are straight, name one person of the same sex you would do anyway | hmmm... robert pires |
| If you are gay/bi, name someone of the opposite sex | robert pires |
| When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up | a policeman |
| What do you want to be now | a good drummer |
| What is one food you have never tried and never will? | bak kuah |
| Would you have a baby at age fourteen if you swore you were in love? | no sheesh... i don't even know hw to take care of myself at that time. |
| Would you ever have an abortion? | no... if you consider scraping my sack off as an abortion... NO. |
| What do you want your prom dress to look like? Describe in detail | first of all, i don't wear a dress. secondly, i'm too lazy to describe it in detail. |
| How do you plan to raise your children? | by holding on by their pits and thrusting them towards the sky |
| What do you want your wedding to be like? Describe in detail | if i had a choice i don't want to be bawah block. |
| What is one thing you never cease to fantasize about? | me riding a scrambler |
| Is there any kind of person that you can't stand? | RICO |
| What is your favorite article of clothing? | small, tight, vintage clothings |
| Have you ever made anything yourself that you were truly proud of? | i made my own cigarette for the first time and then smoked i... |
| What book changed your life? | hustler august 2004 issue |
| What song? | you always say goodnight, goodnight. |
| What person changed it the most? | mon bébé |
| Do you have an ex that you would kill to go out with again? Who? | hmmm no... but i would love to kill her. |
| What is the strangest phone call you've ever received? | when a girl called me'pretending to be a 'stalker' |
| The strangest Instant Message? | iswardy. he was having a fit i think. |
| The strange E-mail? | when i get something from someone i don't know... |
| What religion are you, and have you ever questioned it? | islam. yes, but not in a sinful way. you know what i'm say? |
| What comes to your mind first when you hear the word "savage?" | steak from swensens. |
| Have you ever severely influenced anyone? If so, who and how? | yes. i THINK its her. hehe. |
| What is the most against-the-rules thing you've ever done? | doing something to someone i swore to myself i would do after marriage. |
| What's the worst thing you've ever stolen? | rambutan |
| What piece(s) of your parents' advice did you actually follow? | do what your heart tells you to |
| Have you ever wished your parents would die? | no |
| And then regretted it soon later? | nil |
| Has anyone ever hated you, but you couldn't stand to hate them back? Who? | i don't know they never told me |
| What's the longest time you've ever talked on the phone? | 6 hours |
| Longest time you've ever gone without sleep? | 2 days |
| Longest state of depression and why? | ooooo 6 months. love |
| Have you ever visited a psychologist/therapist? Why? | no |
| What's one thing you are so addicted to you could live without? | cigarettes |
| What's the strangest piece of clothing you've ever worn for a long time? | dunno |
| What's the cruellest thing you've ever done to someone? | say something str8 to his face |
| What's the cruellest thing that's ever been done to you? | couldn be bothered to remember |
| What's your favorite funny story? | under one roof |
| Have you ever been to camp? If so, how did you like it? | yes... i miss those days |
| Favorite concert you've ever been to? | ive only been to one concert... surely nt my fav |
| Describe the coolest piercing/tattoo you've ever seen | emo-fied tattoos love em |
| Describe your worst relationship | the 3 yrs was my longest but also my worst. |
| Describe your best | right now im having it |
| Who's the person you have to smile about being around every day, but hate? | i dun smile to ppl i hate |
| How's your relationship with you mother and father? | ok |
| How did 9-11 affect you, if at all? | the show friends on star world was interupted |
| What's your favorite and most memorable pet? | my terapins |
| Was this survey way too long and in depth? | yeah... |
tell them about me
and if we meet, don't be a stranger...
think alot and live without it
i still remember people telling me to just forget about her and just move on with my life. how we will never be together and how i should take it from them and just forget about her.
well, well, well.
look where are we know?
as garfield said:
"if you wait for something long enough, you will get it."
what do you mean you can't be happy for her for now? i know you people can't accept the fact that she is now in a relationship. apparently, the name 'nadiah' and 'relationship' don't go? or is it just that ego in you that comes back to bite you right in your ass when you told me to 'take it from you'?
well, i guess that's just human ain't it? its just that we sometimes can't accept the fact that we are wrong and what do we do? we do what ostriches do best. bury our head in the ground.
you make me feel that it was wrong of me to love her, wrong for me to not give up on her.
tapi takper, aku rela kene ni semuer.
and another thing, the fact that we ask about your situation shows that we care for you and that you still hold a place in our lives. that it bothers us that you are not happy. if its wrong to even do that, then why should i bother next time? another example of something biting me back up my ass.
going on the next chapter, i for that matter, don't go around putting a banner around my neck saying that i'm in a relationship. if you feel that you have bothered about my situation but i did not tell you, then tell me. i apologise. but if you don't give a damn about me, why should i go up to you and tell you that i'm now in a relationship.
its not a fucking shame or an insult to be the last to know. well, at least to me its not. i don't know about mafias.
the fact of the matter is, is that we'll be here to stay. and i don't see anything changing that.
so just be happy for us. but if you can't, then the least you could do is be happy for her.
for you
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am home again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am whole again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am young again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am fun again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am free again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am clean again
however far away, i will always love you
however long i stay, i will always love you
whatever words i say, i will always love you
i will always love you
- 311
at last i can say that this is song for you.
its for you.
vote.
the new poll is up under 'they vote' so please do vote.
enjoi.
attack of the dripping ice cream
warning: what you are about to read will be a cliched entry 'dear diary' style, typically written by girls with their diaries on the bed and legs folding upwards biting their pencil.
dear diary,
yesterday, i fetched mon bébé from her studying place [???] at tanjong pagar. i don't know what kind of a place is that. i was with zool and dil so we (well actually, i) decided to meet shark who was already at 7 eleven waiting for his 'dearie'. haha.
they finally came from the opposite direction from where we were expecting them to come. by then, everything was kecoh. i was impatiently waiting for my ringtone to come, bébé was noisy with her 'aku nak kencing!', and dil was going 'aku nak draw duit!'.
after that right, after that, we went to macdonalds to eat. after we eat, we don't know where to go sey. rabak. so we decided to go to esplanade. then 'the dearies' went off to meet us there. but halfway kan, halfway, shark go and call me and asked if we wanted to go to merlion park. then i say, then i say kan, i say ok.
we chill there and halfway, isabella joined us. then all was fine till i got IT.
*dear diary concept stops*
its been about eight years since i had an 'attack' if you would like to call that. my head started spinning, started seeing stars, and i couldn't breathe. i couldn't breathe for about 10 minutes.
its been awhile since i had that. it was so bad, i was like pinned to the ground and laid there poking my chest trying to breathe. i guess the fact that she was there beside me and my friends were asking why and shark tapping (more like slapping) my back, helped to clear the pipes in me.
so thanks you guys and thank you bé.
*dear diary concept starts*
then after that we went home. and i sent her back home. had a fruitful conversation or 'argument' [???]. but its all good now. was abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit angry at her. but now ok already.
thats all diary, i hope i won't write anymore of this kind of irritating entries. cause it just makes me meluat you know what i'm say?
till then, enjoi.
ooooo
i was flipping through one of them many photo albums i have to look for a photo when i was in my toddle years to give to mon bébé when i saw it.
i am truly an emo kid at heart~
mampos dzool, habes, thats it. ok no i didn't mean that.
i had a moptop and i was wearing a 'i love mom' t-shirt. you know the same style as them 'i love NY' t-shirts? yeah that kind.
i'll put it up as soon as fazzy wazzy ke mazzy helps me scan the image.
rejuvenated
its still hard to believe. i wake up finding me staring up the ceiling thinking about what happened. everything is finally falling into place.
something told me to hang on and i did. something told me to wait, that it will eventually work out. and wait i did. yes, there have been times when my patience was tested beyond its yield point (only engineering students will understand) and i just felt like giving everything up. but again, that voice tells me to hold on.
so here i am. i didn't regret whatever happened during the 10 months that brought us to where we are cause it is due to them happenings in the first place that we are here.
"you all go first ah. i'm waiting for her."
god dammit saying those words were rejuvenating.
i've never felt this happy and complete since i can remember.
september never felt this good.
thank you isn't right
i don't know how to thank you. i know thank you is not the appropriate word to use but thats the only word i can pick out amidst these cluster of words that i have.
i know actions speak louder than words. all i can do is to be there when you need me and to love you.
you saved me.
i hope you can say the same for me.
help me think one up
i don't know where to begin stop
so let's not update yet stop
it's still sinking in stop
i never could have hoped for anything more stop
its called 'intuition'
you know sometimes when you want to do something else but every single bone in you tells you to do otherwise? i've tried many times to try to like other girls. but everytime i try, i'll go in a circle and come back to you.
so what does that mean?
i know you're worth the wait.
then whats it then?
i don't understand.
if you liked it, then whats holding you back?
you got scared?
till then.
images from my birthday are finally up. its not all though. so till faz passes me the rest, those are all i have.
they're under images of the past. enjoi.
self-made
only you can make me change my mind.
only you can make me break that promise that i have made to myself.
only you.
noticed?
i've modified my blog if you didn't notice.
enjoi your stay here.
in the spirit of the olympics
take my heart and wear it as a pendant for you have proved victorious.
the truth be told
Peter and Tina are sitting in the park doing nothing except just gazing into the sky while all their friends were having fun with their beloved half.
Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish that I have a
boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter: I guess we're the only ones left. We're the only
ones without a date.
Tina: I think I have a good idea. Let's play a
game.
Peter: Eh? What game?
Tina: Erm... It's quite simple. You be my
boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your
girlfriend for 100 days. What do you think?
Peter: Okay... Anyway I don't have any plan
for the next few months.
Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward
to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first
day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there
is a really great movie in theater now.
Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea
than this. Let's move. (went to watch the
movie and sent each other home)
so...
i know how to end this.
just let me hate you. so when that time comes, i promise you the 'cycle' WILL end.
say, does anyone have a shotgun?
IS THIS BIG?
oh yes, and it wasn't even a cycle to begin with.
damn, i can't make it big. THIS IS THE BIGGEST AND BOLDEST I CAN GO.
i know, i know!!!
wait wait wait!
i have a suggestion!
how about...
stop reading my blog? *beams from ear to ear*
but being the kaypoh person that you are, i doubt that you can do that.
so...?
will we continue to self-censor, or is it time for us to speak up?
life-size mirror
she was done before the start, always mending broken hearts. making others miserable not knowing who she's hurting. they said, "this day will be, one for everyone to see." is it true you'll follow suit and have you learned a thing? it's just a selfish way to go, it's safe to say she'll never know.
for every person, there's a whole life story waiting to be told. when she is happy it's ok, but then these people start to fade. then we'll just watch her self-destruct as she gets old.
she put up defensive shields, to walk through all of life's minefields. all defined by make-up and a car behind she's hiding.
"father do you have to go, left me questions i don't know?"
any answers or even close the life time lie was true. she's gonna move on with her life, and take it one heart at a time and watch the little girl inside her wait behind as she goes on.
but with this black heart she decides, who she'll take in and shove aside until the day she sees that everyone is gone.
getting used to people leaving, thinking true love is deceiving. soon she'll know how lonely it can be.
now was it really worth the pain? a couple pills make her feel sane. while she lives out the story written for the part she is to play. with so much shame for her to hide, there's no more dignity, no pride. then there will only be dark in her light of day.
and she will only see a reflection, of her rejection. nothing will change until she breaks this life, this life-size mirror.
| About You -> Not The Person You created in your Fantasy World! | |
| What is your Full and Real name:: | Muhammad Dzul Fazly Ashi Lee bin Ahmad |
| Wat are UR Nicknames *dun include Nicknames given while sexual intercourse*: | palat, dzool, djoolie |
| Your Birthday is? MM/DD/YR: | 08/15/1986 |
| How old are you?: | 18 |
| The Color of your Natural Eyes are:: | brown |
| Your Natural Hair Color is:: | black |
| Your current hair color is:: | dark henna red |
| Your Ethnic Background:: | chinlay |
| Language most spoken in Household: (Profanity is not an option): | malay |
| How Many People live in your house? How many sisters and brothers?: | 3. dad, mum, me |
| Do you wish for me to stab either 1 of ur brothers or sisters wit a spork?: | my bros don't live with me. |
| Do you live in a disfuntional Family?: | nope. i'd like to think not |
| Do you have Friends?: | yes, duh. |
| Name All Your Best friends irl:: | i don't have any best friends. and no, thats not a name. |
| Name all your friends from Online:: | hmmm. henna. |
| Do You have any Enemies?: | i don't think so. |
| Do you wish for me to stab either one of your enemies with a spork?: | i'm not sure. |
| Last Question: What do you think about my Survey So far?: | it's aite. |
| Things You like | |
| What is Your Fav. Color?: | black. |
| What is your Fav. Food?: | mama's ayam masak lemak lada padi. oooo. |
| What is your Fav. Dessert?: | ice cream cake. |
| What is your Fav. Tv Show or Movie?: | tv show: who's line is it anyway. show: love me if you dare. |
| What is your Fav. kind of Music?: | emo. |
| What is your Fav. Band/Music artist?: | for now, it has to be taking back sunday. |
| What is your Fav. Book? ( If You read anything in your life >.>): | harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban. |
| What is your Fav. Subject? (Sex and Drugs is not a subject T.T): | love. there are many different interpretations of it. |
| Who is your Fav. Actor/Actress?: | colin farrell |
| Do You like Sporks?: | what's a spork dammit |
| What is your fav. Quote?: | you know what i'm say? |
| Your Hobbies are?: | initial d-ing. |
| Your Bad Habits are?: | burping. |
| Your Good Habits are?: | i don't know man. |
| What was your most embarressing moment in your whole life?: | cocking up in a performance at nanyang girls' |
| If You can change 1 thing about yourself what would it be?: | grow fatter and moleless |
| What would you like to achieve in Life?: | grow fatter and moleless |
| What kind of Sporks do you like? o_O: | are you trying to say sprockets? |
| If you can describe Yourself in one word what would it be?: | inpromptu |
| 2 Random Options | |
| Good or bad?: | bad |
| Dumb or Smart?: | dumb |
| Leader or Follower?: | follower |
| Sporks or Pie? O_O: | pie |
| Lick or Bite?: | lick |
| Vanilla or Chocolate?: | vanilla |
| Brittany Spears or Christina Alguilera? (dumb hoes o.o;): | brittany spears |
| PS2 or XBOX?: | ps2 |
| BET or MTV?: | MTV |
| Straight or Gay?: | straight la! |
| Yuri or Yaoi? o_o: | huh? |
| Hentai or Porno?: | porno anytime. |
| Dork or Nerd?: | NERD! |
| o_o or O_O?: | O_O |
| Oreos or Chips A'Hoy?: | oreos. lets twist lick dunk bebeh. |
| Cats or Dogs?: | cats maine. |
| Sneakers or Boots?: | sneakers |
| TV or Computer?: | computer. anything but mine tho. |
| Pop Tarts or EGO?: | pop tarts |
| ENDING ;-;! | |
| Did this take you long to do?: | yeap quite. |
| Did You like it or Hate it?: | like it i guess. |
| Do you want to stab me with a spork? O_O: | WHAT IS A DAMN SPORK LAAAAAAAAA! |
| Was this a waste of Your Time?: | i had no choice yar. |
| Do You still want to stab me with a Spork? O______O! *runs away*: | ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
are you a reason, a season or a lifetime?
when someone is in your life for a reason. it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. they have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
they may seem like a godsend, and they are. they are there for the reason you need them to be. then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
sometimes they die.
sometimes they walk away.
sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
what we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. the prayer you sent up has been answered. and now it is time to move on.
then people come into your life for a season.
because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. they bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. they may teach you something you have never done. they usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. believe it. it is real. but, only for a season.
lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. it is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
listen to your heart and not your ego. your ego prompts you to boast of vain assertions to obtain the glory of this world.
turn away from vanity and seek Him in the recesses of your heart and soul.
screaming silently.
there are many things i wanna say. but after reading other people's journals and their contradictory thoughts, i think i'll make the situation worst-er by saying anything.
but i guess i'll say it anyway though since this is my only place to scream silently. hah.
so if you think you qualify under those people who shouldn't read on, then i suggest you stop reading...
NOW.
a conversation on the phone:
"where are we ah dzool?"
if you noticed, i refused to answer that question. but what i did was to ask you back. and you said "close friends". i don't want to react to that. i try not to care cause i know if i care it'll just bring me down.
i don't know why i can't move on. believe me, i'm trying to. but everytime i see you, mampos, habes, thats it. it comes back. let's not go into detail what the 'it' is shall we?
i'm like a fresh tyre being burned out. remember the times when you use to cycle very fast and just brake the rear wheel and let the bike fishtail then the tyre leave a mark on the floor and the once knobby wheel now has a flat spot?
i feel like that.
maybe it's fated that my msn doesn't work anymore. but i know i can't run away from you. there's no way i can.
but maybe. just maybe, deep in my heart, i want us to go somewhere.
please someone help me. i'm dying here in front of you.
man down.
i'll be MIA in msn for quite sometime. so, till i reboot my damn laptop, the only way to contact me online is through my e-mail, friendster and wholivesnearyou.
till then.
uploaded
images were taken on my birthday. these are my favourite ones. for the rest, take a look at cheekie's journal. i'll put the full version up under images of the past as soon cheekie helps me load them into my shutterfly.
you thought somemore?!
i thought you could be my birthday present. but i guess i was wrong. i'm always wrong.
help me. i don't know how to pour my heart out.
i like it the way it is. but there's something we lack.
waiting is fast becoming my past time.
timing is everything.
the red poison of your lips, the red poison of your eyes. is where i kissed the blood from. just that corner of your mouth where i can see the white of your smile.
up to my neck when i'm breathing without you. up to my eyes
and i'm seeing without you.
we'll start a fire and burn some bridges and make it out of here tonight.
we need some leverage. we can't seem to open up the locks are far too tight and the chains are far too strong.
up to my heart when i'm bleeding without you.
please someone help me i'm dying here in front of you. with a hundred thousand lights, timing as everything will.
timing, timing is everything to me.
Timing is everything, it's everything.
thank all o yall
i would like to thank all of them pantatz [dino, his gf, ady, hazar (i think thats how you spell her name), curly, razia, shark, faz, nut, wan, izzad and zareen] who were down at pasir ris yesterday. i really love it there.
i can never say thank you enough. you guys don't know how much that meant to me.
i don't know what to say anymore. haha. tak selalu sey aku tak tau apa nak cakap.
and oh yes, thanks nut for lying to me. not that its a bad thingy. bagus. aku betol-betol percaya kao. so i guess that means mission success for you. heh.
hmmm... very difficult
so i called up mr yee and he said that there was a glitch in the system. i was only late for a lesson.
but.
BUT. the letter that my mum received indicated that i was absent from class for how many times? try guessing. no?
THIRTEEN. 13. TIGA BELAS. SHI SAN. PADI MUNDRU.
how peculiar.
and by the way. mr yee told me that school declared that i was married. so yeah, nut. i beat you.
what the fuck?
what is the school's bloody problem?!
i come to school everyday, attend all my lessons and i get a fucking low attendance letter.
i'm bloody pissed. damn friday the thirteen.
why?
i just flew and fell. again.
why must it be this hard? i don't have the priviledge of choosing. i want to choose for once god dammit. i really am not in the mood. really i swear. wait. in the mood for what?
why must life be such a slutty bitch? i think its me. yeah, its me. i know its me.
and i thought i was flying.
| [Your Thoughts On Love And The Like] | |
| If you had to sum up love in one word or short phrase, what would it be?: | if you have a crush on someone yet not regret being with your partner, then thats love. |
| Is true love an emotion that fades?: | it will fade abit, but it will never disappear |
| Does it transcend time, life, and death?: | life. prolly yes. death, nope. |
| Is sex really an expression of love or is it pure raw desire?: | depends on who you do it with |
| Why do you think we want to be in love?: | good question. maybe to feel wanted and have the security that we are needed in this life |
| What about the people who go through life alone?: | i think they're searching without them actually knowing it. |
| Is giving everything up for your "love" an act of desperation or love?: | love fullstop |
| What would you say love is?: | love is when you feel relaxed when you are around her yet your heart beats fast |
| Is there a certain time before you can truely call it love?: | yeap. agreed. |
| What is the difference between loving one as a friend or something more?: | loving one as a friend is when you CARE for him/her. |
| Is it okay to date your best friend?: | yes. (dzool, faz, shark agree) |
| Do you think you've ever been in "love"?: | i think so. |
| How do you know it's love?: | you just have a gut feeling about it. can't explain. |
| So, do you really think there is such a thing as love? Or is it a fantasy?: | i think true love for me is still very much a fantasy. |
Category X - The
Changeling
Witty, amusing and a bit weird, you're welcomed
into most social groups, even though you don't
'fit in' perfectly .
What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
get a new employee
fate has a peculiar of working with me.
it always likes to give months of bliss followed by years of fucked up shit.
help me please
this is what i'm afraid of. i don't think i want to meet. i don't know.
i really don't.
unretrofied
"i'll just fake it in the end
just save it for a new song
leave dead in the end.
time is wasted in the end
wood paneled wagon carpool dragons
killing me again"
- dillinger escape plan
tc
take care on the road dude. any problems you can find me.
coward's invention
apa ni?
i knew this was coming. i knew it.
on a whole different topic, if you touch anyone one of my girl friends in np, thats it. thats it boy.
i fucken swear its over between us.
archive-d it all up
i've decided to archive everything thats in the past. so yeah. it looks 'neater' now. heh
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